Maybe it's time, after all.

It is the thirtieth day of the third quarter of the year 3729, for whatever that means to all who are not where I am.

Like Ruya, I can't access the blog. Thing is, maybe there's a reason for that. Only a couple of people have indicated they've read it and you all seem to be... either messing with a pair of completely insane people or from the place where I am, where video entertainment caught on over radio entertainment and didn't need to wait until the internet took over to flourish or where the language I speak (and often butcher) is called English. Maybe we can't access it because it isn't meant to be here.

A while ago we were listening to her favorite show in the middle of the night and a pair of men came by. The voice on that video on my page belongs to the younger of the two. I guess looking back they hinted that I ought to "look to" them for "help." I don't know what they mean by "millions of lives" or by the associated imagery. Wish I had a name for you, none was given.

This "meet yourself" nonsense, too, like he thinks I'm delusional, maybe. I don't like it. I don't like any of this. I spent so much time depressed and alone that I never thought I'd say this but I want to be back in my shitty little cabin, behind the gates of the "commune."

Here's the thing. I'm starting to get hungry, very literally. I think there's beginning to be some suspicion about me at the hospital because a nurse seemed to realize I haven't been eating, brought me a meal and was promptly taken off of duty as far as Ruya goes.

That's the thing, guys. Before, I lived very strangely, in a closed in community, doing what amounts to freelance work over the internet for peanuts and half living off of carefully portioned out student loan money from the last semester I completed before dropping out and running. Thing is, no matter how weird things got or how frustrated I was, I always managed to at least eek out enough for a damned meal.

I may have to go to them after all.

Tell me, though, when does going with two unnamed, suited government types who didn't identify themselves at all ever end well?

3-26-3729

On 2-74-3729 Kzra asked:
What did she try?

On 3-16-3729 Kzra said:

Fuck.

Take it things aren't going so well.

I either of you can reply, keep us updated.

Be safe.

On 3-6-3729 the last post on this blog was made on this computer. Obviously not by me and definitely not by Ruya. The day before the hospital visit she said she wanted to try something. Given what she said happened the last time she “tried something” with me, I didn't want any part in whatever it was. Psychology, parapsychology, voodoo bullshit, I don't care. I didn't want any part in it. I still did what she wanted.

She said she was going to try to find It in the Irdi Field. (By the way, I realize now that I think I heard of the concept of the field before I met her. I don't recognize the word she used for it, though.) She told me she was going to try to access it through and I quote “a sort of self-hypnotized guided meditation.” She also said she hated to do it because sometimes, just sometimes, she swears she hears and sees things when she tries to do that. She told me to come in and if anything started happening, to start taking photographs.

So I waited and waited and the next day, as she was getting ready to sleep (we do not sleep at night) she told me to give her a few minutes and then come in.

So I did.

I could hear her voice through the door when I came in and it was coming through an old tape recorder. Let's say that if I understand anything about all this it's that I don't understand anything at all about all of this. I can only assume it worked at first, to help put her under.

Then things... went very wrong.

Some sort of fit, a seizure, coughing blood, nosebleeds and it got worse from there. I sent for help and they got her to the hospital.

Technically her brain activity is lower than they would hope for... but she's not braindead. She's just comatose.


I wonder if you can imagine how hard it is to get a job when you don't have an identity... or know anything about just about anything in the world around you, or technically have no home. I mean, in reality I'm living at the hospital or Ruya's but technically there's no home.

No one's come by so if Ruya has any friends or family they don't know she's sick. I don't want to ask the doctors and arouse suspicion and anyway the guy who seems to be in charge of taking care of her doesn't speak... whatever language Ruya and I speak. I'd call it one thing, she would call it another.

Point remains. I can stay at her home for now but I cannot buy food and most of what's left in the house now is canned and even that is running low. One more can of terta seed soup and then it's just down to canned vegetables.

I've typed all of this and said nothing about the video, haven't I?

I know whose voice that is.